


Shh, Rocket Man is On

by Goodluckdetective (scorpiontales)



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics), batf
Genre: Bat Family, Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 14:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3854308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiontales/pseuds/Goodluckdetective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off this head canon by incogneat-oh:<br/>All the boys are experts on soap-operas. Usually, at least one of them is injured enough to keep up with what’s going on at any given time, and they catch each other up on any important character and plot developments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shh, Rocket Man is On

      It was honestly the worst show on television.

      Okay, maybe not the worst. That award would have to go to the reality television shows on channel 112 that featured all sorts of travesties.  But as far as scripted shows went, “Love Rockets” was by far one of the worst.

                It was about superheroes, though from the plot lines, most of the characters could be called morally dubious at best. The main character Rocketman (yes, seriously, Rocketman) spent his days trying to hide his secret identity from his extended family and friends who turned out to have powers of their own. The acting was overdone, the music was cheesy and the plotlines were nothing short of ridiculous. It was the classic soap opera at its finest.

                A classic soap opera that the majority of the Waynes and their close friends were addicted to. And like most things that made little to no sense, Dick Grayson started it.

***

                Being benched from Robin was bad enough, but being benched from being Robin when nothing was on television? Now that was just cruel.

                Dick Grayson, then 17, groaned, sinking lower into his bed. The Joker had gotten the jump on him last night and his firmly wrapped up ankle was proof of it. He leaned forward, poking the gauze and winced at the pain. He was going to be stuck here for a while. Alone. With no company.

                Dick didn’t do standing still, let alone lying still. This was a fate worth then death.

                “You’re being dramatic, Dick,” Barbara said over the phone line as Dick flipped through channels. He’d called her up in the middle of class, desperate for any social interaction. “You just have to keep off it for a few weeks and then you’ll be good to go.”

                “Easy for you to say,” Dick said checking the sports channel only to find it showing old adverts for shoe deodorant. “I’m pretty sure I’m going to die of boredom. Slowly. Painfully.”

                “I’ll ensure it if you keep calling me to whine.” Dick winced away from the phone from a second; Barbara was scary when she wanted to be. There was a reason Bruce couldn’t get her to give up Batgirl. “Look, watch something on channel six; they always have something on. I got to go. I have class.” She hung up and Dick groaned, burying his face in one of his pillows. Why Barbara decided to take classes during the summer was a mystery to him.

                A few seconds of pity partying later, Dick sat back up and changed the channel to six. The theme of Rocketman echoed through the speakers, the main character, Ryland Rick, flying across the screen on jet boots. Below, his daughter Charlotte was tied over a pit of sharks. Mechanical sharks.

                 _“Prepare to face justice, scum! For my daughter Charlotte.”_ Dick rolled his eyes, made a face and reached for the remote again only to find the spot empty. It had fallen off the bed onto the floor and out of his reach.

                “You got to-“ Dick made an effort to grab it but the pain from his leg stopped him short. Taking in a deep breath, the first Robin rested back onto his pillows and decided one episode of Rocketman wouldn’t kill him.

                Three hours later, Alfred entered with a tray of medication. Dick was leaning towards the television, his head in his hands, his mouth wide open. Alfred raised an eyebrow.

                “Are you alright, Master Richard?”

                “Shh.” Dick held up a finger. “I think Charlotte is alive and planning her revenge against her stepmother. I can’t miss this Alfred.”

                Alfred just shook his head and rested the medication on the side counter.  He reached down for the remote and placed it on the bedside table. He had seen weirder things at Wayne manor.

***

                “What the fuck is this bullshit!” Jason gaped at the television before him, letting his grip on the gauze on his arm slack. Dick caught it, holding it back up to the boy’s arm and began rewrapping it once more.

                “It’s a Robin tradition, Jay. Jay meet Ryland Rick and the wonder that is Rocketman,” Dick chided, tying the bandages extra tight. Jason was beat up all over, scraped enough that he would be too sore to be doing patrol for at least a week. It wasn’t his fault, Two Face had gotten lucky. Jason just stared at the television.

                “Wonder? It’s called “Love Rockets.” I haven’t seen anything that looked this cheesy since Titanic.”

                “That’s a great movie, thank you very much.” Jason shot him an incredulous look and he just shrugged. What? He was a romantic at heart. “Just give it a try.” Jason looked doubtful. “Trust me there is nothing better on.”

                A week later, Dick found Jason sprawled on a manor sofa, fully healed, eating popcorn as he watched the latest episode. Dick chuckled, leaning against the wall.

                “See, you’re hooked.”

                “Shut it,” Jason said, flicking his older brother off. “Ryland’s lost twin brother is back from the dead and trying to get in the cavern of doom by marrying Penny.”

                Dick’s smirk vanished. “No way. Penny? But didn’t she try to kill him a decade ago in an alternate time loop?”

                Jason sneered at him. “That was her clone. This is the real deal.”

                In a few seconds later, Dick was sitting next to Jason, his hand deep into the popcorn bowl, both of them munching as they watched Rocketman fight his evil twin with a tuba from the wedding procession.

                It was glorious.

***

                “I am not watching Rocketman, Dick.”

                “Come on Babs, you’ll love it.”

                “I can predict every plot point before it happens.”

                “Charlotte not being dead?”

                “Saw it miles away.”

                “Ryland’s son from an affair, Trevor?”

                “Yep. Easy.”

                “Trevor having the ability to strip others of their memories? And how he used it on Charlotte to make her forget she was Ryland’s daughter so he could mold her into the perfect airplane attendant?”

                Barbara paused over the com. Dick crossed his fingers.

                “That little bastard.”

***

                Tim looked terrible.

                The kid was recovering from the clench, after all. It was expected. But due to his condition, Bruce had restricted the Robin from the computer and Tim to say it lightly, was sulking.

                “This doesn’t make any logical sense, Dick,” Tim said, pointing at the television. Charlotte was parading around screen, showing off her new powers of teleportation. “Charlotte isn’t even related to the Popper, and she doesn’t have the mutant gene for it anyway. It doesn’t work.”

                “Shh.” Dick covered Tim’s mouth and the younger boy blushed. “Just go with it.”

                “Charlotte not smart. Poor tactical move,” Cassandra said from her chair. She had gotten a bowl of popcorn an hour ago and decided to join in, bringing in a chair to watch the show. “Tommy…like Tim.”

                “I am nothing like that guy,” Tim sputtered, glaring at the handsome blond on screen who was making a bomb out of a watch. Cassandra shrugged.

                “Shoe fits.”  

                Tim turned bright red before dissolving into another round of coughing. Cassandra turned to Dick, holding out the bowl.

                “More popcorn?”

***

                “Guys I feel fine, really,” Stephanie said, sitting between Cassandra and Tim. “I just have a sprained wrist.”

                “Tradition,” Cassandra and Tim said at once, watching the television intently. Stephanie shook her head and watched as Ryland Rick came back from the death once more to usurp his clone.

               The episode ended with the two fighting over a pit of lava using combs as weapons.

***

                The former Robins crowded outside the living room, staring down at the incapacitated Robin. Damian was in the makeshift hospital bed, his broken arms strung up, his IV on the side of the bed. In the chairs surrounding him were the Batgirls, former and present, all watching the television. Damian looked over to them for a few seconds, glared and turned back.

                “Ryland is traveling the dream world, Charlotte has taken his place as Rocketman, and Penny has confessed her undying love to Ryland as he lays in a coma.”

                “Seriously? That girl finally did it? No fucking way,” Jason said, heading into the room and sitting down on the floor. Cassandra moved her feet to make room for him.

                “Has Trevor recovered from his mind wipe?” Tim asked, stepping in a little.

                “No, but he had his huge coming out of the closet moment and is finally dating Jose, and everything is rainbows and nothing hurts,” Stephanie said, grinning. “You missed it, guys.”

            “He did a…good job,” Cass said in-between bites. “Could barely…tell….he was acting.”

                “I thought he’d never see it,” Dick said, dragging Tim into the room behind him.  Hours later when Bruce came to check in on his ailing son, he found them all crowded around the small television set, except Damian who was telling them to stop “blocking his vision.”

                “Are you-“

                “Shh!” All of his children and their friends glared at him then turned back to the show. Bruce stared.

                Really, how they ever intimidated anyone was a mystery to him.


End file.
